This is a review of a book which, if you read the title phonetically, would be called Dotter of Smoak and Boan, and I was massively frustrated by this book.
What! How could it fail to be good, one asks, with a title like that? Well.
That’s what I thought.
It’s set in Prague! It involves a ram-headed demon who runs a shop where he hands out wishes in exchange for clean teeth! It turns out later that his real job is as something called a “Resurrectionist”. How cool is that?!
Too cool for this book apparently.
The entire plot is eaten up by the shallow, uninteresting romance between this shallow, uninteresting, quirky, artsy, blue-haired teenager who lives in “Prague”
(is it Prague or is it a quirky, artsy city in Generic America? Generica, if you will? WHO CAN SAY!!!)
and the uninterestingly broody angel upon whom she has a huge crush that literally. eats up. the whole. plot!!!
and you slog through an interminable bunch of not much happening in under-researched Eastern Europe, with a brief excursion to what appears to be 19th Century Imperial Goggles version of Morocco, and then you find out that wait!
behind this protagonist the whole time was hiding a potentially interesting WARRIOR CHIMERA WOMAN! and a POTENTIALLY INTERESTING OTHER WORLD! with an endless war! and a Resurrectionist!
in the midst of this potentially interesting world building
the plot is still ALL ABOUT THIS BORING ROMANCE!!!!
and female characters fighting over dudes. female soldiers. fighting over dudes. the dudes are not even that interesting! Why have you done this???
But you know what? None of this actually matters! Because, in the end, I was sunk in the depths of abject misery today, and then I thought about how angry this book made me, and I started to feel a lot better!!
Four stars, Dotter of Smoak and Boan. So bad it’s better than brain drugs. Thank you for this huge disappointment!!!
Three Kingdoms? Hmmm, that’s not enough kingdoms. How about seven? Seven Kingdoms! No, that’s still not… maybe twelve? How’s Twelve Kingdoms sound?
No! You’re not thinking ambitiously enough! More kingdoms! More kingdoms than that!
Well how many kingdoms do you want???? A Hundred Thousand Kingdoms???? WE DON’T HAVE THAT MANY KINGDOMS!!